We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they show their ignorance. 2 Corinthians 10:12 (Berean Study Bible)
“Mummy I scored the lowest in our exam today” My second son greeted me as he walked out of the school doors a few weeks ago. I chuckled at his abrupt announcement and half-asked, half-exclaimed, “Really?” He nodded, his bright eyes dimming a bit. I opened my mouth to say something and then I thought ‘he trusts me enough to share this ‘failure’ with me so I am not going to discourage him.’ “What subject was it?” I asked, silently hoping it was one of those ones we considered unimportant. “Science!” he blurted out, screening my face for expected signs of disapproval. “Oh!” I laughed, still trying to maintain the pep in my voice. “But we revised your notes last night… what happened?” He was trying to find an answer for me… “What did you score?” “85.” “Okay… that means you failed 3 questions…. Can you remember the ones you failed?” He cocked his head to the side, flipped his eyeballs towards heaven, trying to think… “Let’s get in the car….” I interrupted. “When you remember the ones you failed we will do the correction okay…”
I have two sons. My first wins multiple awards including ‘Overall Best’ but my second has only won awards as the 'Best in Sports'. I am by no means more proud of his elder brother than I am of him. I do not and have never encouraged him to be like his brother, nor do I compare his brother’s results with his. I have also refused to judge them by each other’s standards. My focus is that they both do well in their academic work and that they are happy, confident children. They both have things they do better at and are not ashamed to learn from each other.
My two boys are two distinct little men. One would not touch his cereal if it is cold; the other prefers his cereal ice-cold. One eats up his fish/meat before starting his meal; the other eats his food first and sometimes does not even touch his meat/fish. One comes back home from school and dresses up complete in long sleeve shirts, trousers, socks and sneakers; the other is very comfortable in his vest, boxers and slippers. If I coax him to dress up, he goes for a pair of shorts, if I insist further he adds a short sleeved t-shirt. One goes to bed all by himself once he feels sleepy; the other will hardly fall asleep if I or his father is not in the room with him. At home, I do not expect the same behaviors from them and I definitely do not insist on the same behaviors at school. Personally, I test my children’s intelligence while I do revisions with them at home and I do not need a school’s standardized tests to prove it to me.
In their last prize giving day a few days ago, my first son was best in Science and Music, unlike the previous year when he was best in almost all the core subjects. So when his name was called for the Overall Best pupil in his class, I was surprised. It however reminded me that it was simply an accumulation of scores. He was not the best in Mathematics and Grammar but when they put all the scores together, his was the highest.
You see, at the end of the day, what is really important is whether or not your child is doing well, not whether or not he gets the prize.
Your meter should gauge his scores against his last term’s scores and against the average score for his class, and not against any particular classmate’s scores.
Once at pick-up time, I was chatting with a friend whose son was in the same class with my second son. He (my son) interrupted our chat, grinning from ear to ear, when he announced: “I.K. (her son) is the smartest boy in our class.” We both laughed at his plain honesty. Children ought to be comfortable with others who are ahead of them. They should see them, not as threats but as companions on the road to success. Does my second boy desire an academic award? Like every other kid his age, of course yes. What do I say to him? ‘You’re a great child and you’re doing great already but there’s only space for one person for each award, and if you keep working hard it will be your turn soon. Now go and shake hands with ‘so and so’ ’, naming the child who won the overall best award in his class.
Dear Moms and Dads, while teaching your children or doing revisions with them at home, please do not taunt them with those lines that say: other children who take first positions do not have two heads or pay a different amount in fees. Do not instigate them to beat their classmates in all tests. Teach them to know it for knowing sake, not for competition sake, because you do not know the mental capacity of the other pupils in their classes and our heavenly Father has graced all his children with varying abilities. When you need to give your children a pep talk on their academic work, leave other people’s children out of it. Urge them to be attentive in class and not to laugh at other pupils who seem to be struggling, but to be willing to share knowledge with them. Teach them that success is sweeter when they are strong together as a team. Do not hassle them over winning at anything at all cost, rather, constantly remind them that life is not a competition against other people but a challenge with one’s self to get better than you were before.
Celebrate their little successes and inspire them when they do not do so well, rather than talk them down.
Yes, indeed; all children are on different levels of brilliance. The sooner you accept this truth, the less pressure you will place on their innocent minds. The story of a boy in Lagos, Nigeria, who attempted to murder his classmate by pouring acid into her water bottle because he considered her a threat to his coming tops in class, is still fresh in our minds…
Let them be children, please, let them rejoice with one another.
- Sista Mercie
＃Family ＃LiveBlessed
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